getting in my own way

It’s funny, as I grow older, I realize just how much I hold myself back.  Subconsciously, I am forever thinking things like I could never do that, or They must really hate me, or Now I’ve really screwed up.  

I never noticed just how negative my thought patterns were until this week.  I’m working really hard to focus on the positive, because I’ve been writing in a gratitude journal and part of that is to change the way I think. For some reason, I just automatically assume that someone doesn’t like me, or that I’ve messed up, or I’m not good at something.  I was afraid to contact a former employer because I felt they were not happy with my previous work, even though they had not given me any indication that they felt this way.  So for a whole week I avoided emailing this person, based on a though in my head.

I was telling my husband about it and he kept asking why I felt that way, and it shocked me to realize that there wasn’t really any reason, I just believed my work had not been up to my usual standards.

I’m just so quick to doubt myself and my skills, and I always assume that I am being judged by others.  I read somewhere that most people are more focused on themselves and their own problems and therefore do not have the time to be judging me, yet I assume that is what they do all of the time.

I know that this post doesn’t really make sense, but sometimes I just have to sort my thoughts on on paper.  All of this just makes me wonder: what would I be able to accomplish if I stopped holding myself back?

—–

On a positive note, I want to share the template I have been using for my journal.  It’s a journal created by Alex and Mimi Ikonn (if you haven’t watched them on YouTube, you should!).  The Five Minute Journal is an amazing book.  I haven’t purchased it myself yet, but they provide the template on the website so you can either print it or copy it into your own journal, which is what I do.  These people are the happiest, sweetest, and most insightful couple.  I’ve learned so much by just watching their videos.  Check out Mimi and Alex and tell me what you think!